


Salt My Wounds But I Can't Heal The Way I Feel About You

by ierostache



Series: Paint it Black and Take it Back [2]
Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: F/M, High School, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-19
Updated: 2014-02-10
Packaged: 2018-01-09 07:57:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1143489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ierostache/pseuds/ierostache
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>1 year after Frank and Gerard become Friends again, they find themselves in senior year, and in love with each other, both unaware of the other's feelings. How will they choose to deal with what they are feeling, and what will come of their relationship?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. How Did We Get Here?

**Author's Note:**

> I said it wouldn't be in chapters, i lied.  
> Title Credit: Deathbeds - Bring Me The Horizon  
> Chapter Title Credit: Decode - Paramore

6th September 1999 – Monday

 

Here Frank was, roughly one year after he and Gerard had become friends again. This would be their last first day at high school, and he couldn't be happier, things were going great. Well, sort of. He had his best friend back, new friends, old friends, it was his last year at high school, and even Pete and Patrick were now together. The thing that wasn't so great, was how he had fallen in love with Gerard Way.

He really had no idea what about it was so bad. Gerard was the perfect person to love. Dorky, intelligent, sweet, shy, cute and all around lovable. That was probably the problem, he figured. Gerard _was_ the perfect person to love, who would never love him back because Frank _wasn't_ the perfect person to love. Gerard was unreachable, it was a miracle he had accepted Frank back into his life in that fateful night in the basement last year. Frank didn't expect any more from him, much less falling in love with Frank, who had broken his heart into a thousand pieces and then asked for it back.

Frank didn't have the slightest clue when he had fallen for Gerard, and really fallen. Not the stupid crush he had for him when they became friends again and Frank had realized Gerard had become totally hot. Like _real_ love. He supposes it can't have been much after that though. He figures he first realized it when he and Gabe had been at a party and Gabe had pointed out a girl to him and told him she was totally hot.

 

“ _Yo Frankie my man, what's up?” Gabe asked him._

“ _Dude you are way too stoned and way too drunk, also not much. The party's slowing down so I'm probably gonna head home soon.” Frank replied with a shrug._

“ _Without even pulling? Dude before you go you should totally do that chick over there. The one with the black dress? She's totally hot.” Gabe said, whistling a bit after when she had pulled a pretty feisty move on the makeshift dance floor._

“ _Nah don't really feel like it, probably gonna go home and watch some movies with Gerard, this party kind of blows anyways.” Frank had replied._

“ _What is up with you these days Frankie? You barely come around to parties and when you do you try to get out of here them as soon as possible, and not in the good way if you know what I mean.”_

_And then it hit Frank, he hadn't pulled in forever because he didn't want to, he just wanted to go home and be with Gerard. He was head over heels for him._

_His cute pixie nose that Frank wanted to kiss all the time, how he would talk out of the right side of his mouth. His black shabby hair that he never brushed and just barely washed, yet Frank thought was perfect anyways. The little pudge that he had, and how his skin was so perfectly pale, like a fresh canvas, that contrasted beautifully against his hair. His hazel eyes that were so full of life and emotion, whenever Frank would look into them he felt as if he were being sucked in, made of nothing but emotions. His long lashes that were slightly curled, and dark, that with the eyeliner made his eyes seem like an artwork in itself._

_He loved all his dorky ways and how they were totally cute, or when he would drool all over Han Solo watching Star Wars and Frank would feel a tiny flicker of hope, when he thought he was being discrete in hiding something but made it even more obvious. When Frank thought about it even further, he could also add the cute noises Gerard made in his sleep, or how he always let Frank shuffle close and steal his warmth whenever they slept over at one or the other's house._

_When he thought about it, all he could compare Gerard to was piece of art. And imperfect perfection.Yeah, he was totally in love with Gerard Way._

 

Frank stifled a sigh at all of this because he was right next to Gerard, and if Gee heard him sigh he would totally ask what was wrong, and even though he made fun of Gee for it, Frank was also a totally shitty liar.

Gerard Way was his blessing and his curse.

 

~

 

Gerard started senior year that day. Most people were celebrating the fact that they were almost done with school and will soon have freedom, well that's what they thought anyway. But to Gerard senior just meant almost eighteen and still a virgin. He wasn't really surprised at this, he wasn't exactly the sort of guy that had girls lining up, he was just the shy art loser who only had friends because of some sort of miracle. He figured God must have taken him helping his mom out as a good willed thing or whatever and given him something in return. Whatever, he had better things to think of. Like how he was almost eighteen and still a virgin, and even though Frank had offered countless times to help him out in the area, he had refused. He didn't know why, well actually he did he just tried to lie to himself all the time. He wanted Frank to be the one to take his virginity, not some random girl or guy he met at a party. Also not because he wanted it to be someone special but because he didn't love anyone he'd choose his best friend, no. He was in love with Frank.

His long shoulder length black hair, that was always way more tidy than Gerard's. How his skin was a cross between pale and lightly tanned, with some tattoos here and there, yet Frank swore enthusiastically that one day it would be filled. His big doe hazel eyes, contoured by perfect eyebrows, and his small lips and nose, each with a ring.

His little pot giggle, how he was always full of energy, how he always seemed to rather be with Gerard than at parties. The way his fingers would move so effortlessly across the neck of his guitar, applying a light pressure as Gerard hummed some melody to him, and it always seemed to sooth him. Even when he would attach himself to Gerard and steal all his warmth whenever he slept over.

Now he knew it was stupid, he was already lucky enough for Frank to have even wanted to be friends with him again, hell even considered him his best friend at the moment. He really didn't want to fuck that up and be left alone again. He'd rather have Frank be close to him yet so unreachable rather than no Frank at all.

He looked to the boy to his right, who was lost in thought, and sighed mentally. 

Frank Iero was going to be the death of him.

 

~

 

Frank dragged his way into school, this year it was going to be different. For one they didn't have as many classes, but he also wouldn't be in as many classes as Gerard. Gerard wanted to go to SVA and Frank wanted to do music. He tried not to think about how they wouldn't see each other during college.

He had grown accustomed to being in classes with Gerard and just generally with him 24/7. He looked to his side to see Gerard looking as mopey as he felt.

“Hey Gee, cheer up, one more year then SVA yeah?” Frank said, trying his best to give him a smile despite his mood. Hell if he couldn't be happy then at least his best friend should be.

Gerard scowled and then smiled. “Don't think you're getting rid of me that easily Frankie.” And Frank totally knew why his stomach did a little flip. “Besides, I don't know if I'm feeling it. I want to draw comics but if I go to SVA I'll have to draw other stuff that I don't like so much you know? Besides I can just draw comics without doing it for a living.”

Frank opened and closed his mouth, not prepared at all by what Gerard had said. “Gee that's bullshit. I've known you since we were little kids and remember how I met you? Yeah, you were drawing. You've been drawing ever since and I've heard you talk about SVA for a year, and that's only because we weren't on friend terms before that.”

Gerard huffed out a breath. “But that's beside the point. I've been looking at some of the courses and you barely learn anything comic related, I might as well teach myself. Besides I'm going to be in New York all alone and you know how I am with people.”

Frank sighed. “Yeah I do. It would be great to help you out of your shell. But if you're totally sure that's what you want to do then fine, I can't really boss you around. I just want you to be happy dude.”

Gerard smiled a bit. “Thanks Frankie, I want you to be happy too. But I don't really need to go to SVA to be happy.”

Frank smiled back and then sighed as he reached his classroom. “I guess I'll see you later. It totally sucks that we don't have a lot of the same classes.”

Gerard chuckled. “I would have never thought I would agree with you a year ago but here we are. Relax Frankie it's not that many anyway. Whilst I have double art you have double band, everything else we have together. It's fine.”

“Yeah but those are only have like three more classes.” Frank argued.

“How is that a bad thing dude? It just means we can go home sooner and we're together after school because in case you've forgotten, you live next to me.” Gerard said crossing his arms and smirking a bit.

Frank stuck his tongue out at him. “Fine whatever. When did you become such a smart ass?”

Gerard chuckled and ruffled his hair. “See you later Frankie.”

“Hey asshole just because I'm smaller than you doesn't give you the right to do that! I'm still older.” Frank called as Gerard walked away.

“I have the right to do anything I'm your best friend.” Gerard called back, grinning with all his tiny freaky teeth. Frank couldn't help but smile back and shake his head. He did flip him the bird though.

Just before Frank walked in he spotted Mikey and Alicia, waving slightly at the love birds, because it turned out that when he had suggested to Gerard that Mikey had been getting some and that's where he was going after school, it was actually true. He looked at them all huddled up to each other, and sighed a bit, wishing he could do that with Gerard. 

He walked into band and couldn't help but be thankful that he only had three periods a day.

 

~

 

Gerard drove home with Frank, because Frank's car had broken down beyond repair and he had never bothered to buy a new one. It was just after midday, and although it was weird it was kind of nice having classes end that early. For one it wasn't as tiring, also he didn't have to eat the shitty food the canteen served since he didn't stay for lunch.

Now he wasn't working everyday after school to help his mom, she had gotten a better office job and she was earning more than enough to keep them well fed and be able to give them sweet nothings. Gerard still worked every other day though, he liked to be able to pay for his own stuff, like comics, fuel for his car and art supplies.

He pulled up in front of his door, turning off the engine and swiveling a bit to face Frank. “Your house or mine?” He asked simply.

“Yours, since you don't have work today we could have a marathon.” Frank replied.

Gerard brightened up immediately. “Fuck yeah, we haven't had one in forever. Want to stay the night?”

“Sure, let me just get my stuff.”

Gerard sighed whilst following Frank with his eyes as he made his way into his house. He had no idea what he was going to do about his feelings but he couldn0t pretend they weren't there anymore. Part of the reason he didn't want to go to SVA anymore was because he was scared him and Frank would drift apart again. It wasn't because of Frank that he didn't want to go, he had actually been looking at courses and realizing it wasn't really his thing, however the whole Frank situation only helped with his resentment towards going.

He had to tell Frank, it could break them apart again, but Gerard would rather have Frank leaving him and knowing the truth than staying with a him who wasn't _him_.

 

~

 

Frank had been watching movies with Gerard for hours, however he couldn't concentrate. All he could think about was the feelings he had towards the boy, and how they were like a ton of bricks on his shoulders. He had to do something about it, and he actually had a plan. He had to forget Gerard.


	2. Misery Business

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title Credit: Misery Business - Paramore

7th September 1999 - Tuesday

 

Frank woke up next to Gerard and smiled a bit as he was peacefully sleeping. He had to forget him, if Gerard even knew what Frank was thinking about him half of the time he would've turned around and run a thousand miles. Frank couldn't tell him or he would lose his best friend, but he also knew he couldn't keep it a secret. He let his mouth run more often than not and he was not going to risk it slipping out. The only safe thing to do was forget Gerard, and as much as it hurt him he had to do it.

He didn't want to forget loving Gerard, he didn't want to stop loving him. He wanted to always feel what he felt now, but he couldn't, and that destroyed him more than anyone could guess. Since it was still early and he could have at least an hour more sleep, he shuffled closer to Gee because he was warm, allowed himself this tiny bit of comfort, just once more. It would be the last time.

 

~

 

“Gee, Gee. C'mon wake up man we have school.” Gerard awoke with a groan and mumbled something like 'five more minutes' to Frank. He wasn't sure Frank understood him, he wasn't even sure if he knew himself what he had said. Suddenly he had 5'4” and 100 and something pounds of Frank Iero thrown on top of him.

“Jesus fuck Frank what the hell!” He exclaimed bolting right up and frowning at a cackling Frank. “I'm fucking up okay, you don't need to jump on me.”

Frank just rolled his eyes, smiling. “Such a diva in the morning.”

“I'll show you a fucking diva.” Gerard said back, Frank giggling hysterically at him.

Gerard was nervous as all hell today. As soon as he got home he'd tell Frank how he truly felt about him, because he'd like a little bit of privacy. He'd also do it at his house because he wasn't really up for possibly getting kicked out of Frank's house once he told him.

He got dressed and made breakfast, well stole some of Frank's already made breakfast, and popping the last piece of toast into his mouth he told Frank to scoot or they'd be late, Frank shutting the door behind him as Gerard opened his car and hopped into the drivers seat. He looked over at Frank and was suddenly glad he would lift the weight off his shoulders.

 

~

 

As Frank made his way into band, his last class of the day, he spotted the girl who was part of his plan. Jamia Nestor. She was pretty cute all in all and she seemed to be interested in him. He wasn't that much of a dick to just use her and dump her once he got over Gerard though. He'd tell her he was only with her to forget someone and if he eventually fell in love with her great, if not she could enjoy it while it lasted. He was saving it for the end of the class though.

For the first time ever, band seemed to drag on, and that never happened to Frank in that class. He was just anxious to get this done with. As soon as this was over, he'd be a step closer to forgetting Gerard. Finally though, the bell rang and he packed up immediately, just managing to grab Jamia around the arm right outside the class.

She turned around and he saw just how cute she actually was, not Gerard, but he could deal. She had this short brown hair and a pale face with freckles, round brown eyes and a small nose. She smiled at him and he could see that all of her teeth were perfect and white and pearly, yet somehow not. Oh yeah, he reminded himself, Gerard's teeth were perfect.

“Hi,” He said sticking out his hand. “I'm Frank.”

She giggled at his awkwardness and he mentally cursed himself for comparing it to Gerard's giggle. “I'm Jamia.” She said back.

“So I know this is like a really dick thing to say, but I'm trying to forget someone and I was wondering if you could help me out by dating me or something. I don't know you're really pretty and all but you're either a sort of rebound or I could actually grow to like you, I'm not making any promises though.” He said a bit more comfortably.

“Yeah that would be great.” She replied. “You know I've sort of only been flirting with you to make my ex girlfriend jealous, this would be great to really up my game. But yeah, no promises.”

They both smiled a toothy grin at each other and Frank chuckled. “So Jamia, would you like to go on a date with me?”

 

~

 

Gerard's luck was terrible, all he wanted to do was go get Frank from class and drag him home so he could tell him the goddamn truth and here he was, being held back five minutes with the rest of his class because some dicks were fucking around and everyone got punishment for it. As soon as the teacher dismissed them he was up and out of there in a flash, walking as quickly as possible to the band rooms without collapsing due to heart failure. He slowed a little when he was almost there and then he figured it was good, because what he heard and saw next left him in tears.

“So Jamia, would you like to go on a date with me?” Frank said, and Gerard had heard enough, he turned and ran all the way to his car, driving down the road a bit and then finally stopping. Then he broke down, sobs wrenching his body as he shook violently against the steering wheel.

He felt sick, as if he had just lost his whole world. Of course he couldn't compare to the girl Frank had been asking out, she was cute and small and skinny and a girl. Gerard was just, _Gerard_. He was chubby with horrible fat spilling out of his jeans where the waistband dug in, he had a weird nose and girly eyes, and his teeth were small and freaky and full of fillings. He was a total dork who did stupid things when he wasn't paying attention like sticking his tongue out in concentration when drawing, he bet he looked horrible doing that. Or how he waved his arms around frantically when explaining something and oh god he probably looked like and idiot. Most of all though, he was a guy.

He knew Frank was bi but he was pretty sure that it was a sex thing. That when it came down to it who he really wanted to go on dates with, hold hands with, bump noses with, and eventually, spend the rest of his life with was a girl. Gerard had been stupid in wanting to tell Frank he was in love with him. Hell he wouldn't even tell Frank he was gay now, he was certain Frank would find him disgusting if he found out that Gerard wanted to hold hands and snuggle up with guys.

He thought he had time to deal with it later as he cleared up any evidence that he had been hurt, it was good that he did so too because as soon as he had finished, Frank was walking up to the car.

“Yo dude you haven't been scoring weed and not sharing have you? Your eyes are all puffy and shit.” Frank said slamming the door to the car, Gerard flinching.

“Hey don't do that, she's fragile, she'll break. And nah, you know I don't do weed, just alcohol. And my eyes are all puffy because some goddamn asshole decided to wake me up by jumping on me this morning, I'm fucking tired.” Gerard replied pulling one of his most believable fake smiles. He knew had to do them well, he had had practice back when his dad died and they were struggling, smiling to his mom and telling here everything was going to be fine.

Frank chuckled slightly and held up his arms in defense. “Okay goddamn, I'm sorry.”

Gerard pulled over and got out of the car heading to his house, when he noticed Frank going into his. “Oh we're going over to yours today?” He questioned pausing a little.

“Nah man, I hope you don't mind but I can't hang today. I've got a date with Jamia, you know the girl from my band class?”

Gerard nodded and tried to not let his disappointment show, he'd deal with it later. “Yeah I think so. Alright Frankie, have a good time.” He said waving back at him whilst he unlocked his door. As soon as he closed it behind him he sighed heavily, already knowing what was coming, it had happened once before.

“He went down to his basement and pulled his beers out of the mini fridge he had in there, calculating how many he could drink to be at least slightly sober before work.

He was hopeless, the one person he loved, was the one person he couldn't have. He figured he might as well lose his virginity to anyone now, it wasn't like he was going to find anyone he loved who loved him back to do it. He didn't even get what was so important about virginity, most people lost it in high school thinking they were giving it to the love of their life to only break up two months after anyway. He was going to start going out to parties more, maybe he'd get lucky. Then again, even the drunk part of Gerard's brain said he'd need a fucking miracle to get lucky. He was undesirable not only as a boyfriend, but also as a lay. He knew that much already.

He must have passed out because when he woke up it was 18:30 and his alarm was going off for work. He guessed sleeping was probably good because he had slept of most of the buzz.

He got out of his bed quickly cleaning up the mess, and sighing. At least Ray would probably keep him company at the store.

 

Ray had kept him company at the store, as usual, and he figured Ray had always stuck with him. He was probably more of a best friend than Frank. When Ray had gotten a girlfriend he had never started to blow him off to hang out with her, Ray was always at the store on his days of work to keep Gerard company, and he listened to Gerard's stupid rants, like the one he was currently having. Spilling everything about Frank, from how he loved him to how he knew Frank was going to start ignoring him again.

At the end of it all Ray shrugged. “People say they change, but they don't really. You know Frank, he ditched you for the life of popularity and girlfriends once, just because he felt bad for what happened to you and your family doesn't mean he isn't capable of doing it again.” And Gerard really envied how Ray could be sort of cruel without being cruel, he was just always reasonable and wise. And always right. It should have been enough warning really, to just stay away from him. But no matter how wise Ray's words were, Gerard would always love Frank.

He sighed heavily and dropped his head into his hands. This was about to become much more painful than he ever thought.


	3. You Misuesed My Trust, But I Still Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry I haven't updated I'm just super busy

 

11th September 1999 – Saturday

 

Gerard woke up feeling super shitty, and it wasn't just the massive hangover he had. It had been Mikey's birthday the previous day, and everyone got super drunk to celebrate. Luckily this year his birthday had fallen on a Friday so no one had to skip class the next day.

He looked around and scrunched up his nose at the smell of sweat and alcohol, seeing Pete passed out on top of Patrick, Ryan huddled up to Brendon, Gabe's face smushed into Ray's fro, Mikey, limbs all spread and snoring next to Gerard, and Andy passed out at Bob's feet in the corner. Where was Frank? Oh yeah, Frank hadn't come, he'd passed up on coming to Mikey's birthday party because he had a date with Jamia. And that wasn't all.

Ever since he had stared dating Jamia, not even a week prior, he had been distancing himself from Gerard. He wasn't even surprised that it had happened, Ray had warned him and even he knew it was going to happen, he just didn't expect it to be this soon. Frank hadn't hung out with him, barely spoken to him since Tuesday. He'd spend all his breaks with Jamia, have lunch with her, after school go on dates with her, and even when he was available, he'd turn Gerard down, choosing to hang out with Pete or Bob because apparently ever since he became best friends with Gerard he hadn't been hanging around them that much.

Gerard knew it had been coming, but it still hurt. Just the part where he knew the love of his life was spending most of the day with the love of his life hurt. He'd choose her over Gerard anytime and it hurt Gerard more than anything, even though he knew the only people who'd choose him over someone else were his mom and his brother. He was just a dorky, chubby kid with greasy hair and sketches that would question his mental stability, why would anyone put him first?

It wasn't just the fact that Frank didn't love him back, he could deal with that, maybe not but he could learn. He was losing his best friend though, and at this rate he was pretty sure he and Frank wouldn't be talking at all in a few weeks, and _that_ , he definitely couldn't deal with.

He tried not to wake anyone as he made his way to the bathroom, the feeling in his gut and heart of utter heartbreak making his need to puke that bit more intense. He got to the bathroom and just remembered to shut the door so none of the guys heard him as he emptied his guts out into the toilet, and then he remembered just _how_ much he really hated hangovers. They were even worse when he didn't have Frank there to just cheer him up through them.

 

~

 

Frank felt bad on missing out on Mikey's birthday party, but he had a date with Jamia and he had figured out that dating Jamia did nothing if he kept hanging out with Gerard, his love for him would be amplified back to a million as soon as he saw his stupid smiling face. So he decided keeping his distance was better.

He knew all the guys were probably still passed out, even though it was 1pm. He also knew that if Gerard had been drinking how he usually did he'd be cranky for the rest of the day, and it was usually Frank who helped cheer him up. He couldn't deal with that though, if he went to take care of Gerard today he'd just love him even more as soon as he'd hear him grunting stupid insults at everyone. Ray would have to deal with his crankiness. He couldn't be with Gerard, he would fall even harder. He just prayed that this thing with Jamia would help him out.

He picked up his phone, looking through the contacts until he found 'J <3'. Hitting the call button, he looked up at the ceiling, lying down in his bed as he waited for a response.

“Hey Frankie what's up?” He heard her childish voice break through the ringing of the phone.

“Hey Jams, I was just wondering if you wanted to go get coffee or lunch or something today.”

“Um sure, we could go to the pizza place in the mall.” She replied.

“Yeah. Be there in ten to pick you up?”

“Yeah sure, see you soon Frankie.”

“See you soon J.”

He swung his feet off the bed and sat up, getting a head rush momentarily, since he was already dressed he just picked his coat up from his chair and ran down the stairs, shouting at his mom that he was having lunch with Jamia before walking out the door.

 

He was halfway through his lunch with Jamia when suddenly he saw Bob make his way into the pizza place, blockbuster bag in hand. He was on his way to the counter when he suddenly spotted Frank and made his way to his table.

“Hey Bobert, what's up?” Frank said through a mouthfull of pizza, smiling up at him.

“Hey Frank,” He eyed Jamia uncertainly. “Can I speak with you in private for a sec?”

Frank swallowed his food down nervously. Bob seemed serious, and that was always scary. Even for people who knew he was a total softy.

“Sure," He said, then turning to Jamia. "One sec Jamia, be right back.” He followed Bob to the men's room, and as soon as the door shut behind them, Bob started speaking.

“You're a totally dick for not showing up at Mikey's party you know that? The dude's one of your best friends.”

“Hey you know I had a date with Jamia dude, I couldn't go.” He argued back.

“And you couldn't have shown up afterwards? Even just to give him a present and say happy birthday?” Bob said, with his eyebrows raised in disbelief. Frank hated to lie, but he really had to say what he said next otherwise Bob would be all over his ass.

“Umm, it was sort of an all night kind of date you know?” He said uncertainly. Bob just seemed even more angry.

“Oh sure, miss your friend's birthday because you're getting laid. You know, because you totally can't get laid any other day of the year but one of your best friends turning sixteen happens every fucking day.” He said scowling.

Frank felt his heart sink down into his gut, Mikey was practically his second best friend, Gerard's brother, and he had missed his 16th birthday. He couldn't help but think about how he had missed Gerard's too, and how he was a totally shitty friend. But he couldn't go, couldn't be around Gerard. His love for him would just ruin everything and that was something he definitely didn't want.

“Look, just tell Mikey I'm sorry.” He said desperately to Bob.

“Tell him yourself, or are you too busy fucking your girlfriend that you can't make time to speak to him?” And Frank winced a bit, because Bob may have been a softy, but when he got protective, shit got serious.

“Did you just come here to get all over my ass about not going?” And okay, maybe Frank was getting a bit protective of himself.

“Nah, I came to pick up some movies for the dudes back home and I figured I'd take some pizzas to help cheer up the mood that came with the hangover. Not everything revolves around you Frankie, remember that.”

And with that Bob walked out of the door, leaving Frank standing there with his mouth agape because apparently, people were a lot more pissed at him than he thought they would be.

Eventually, he got himself out of the mens room, and back towards his table, where Jamia was asking him if everything was alright. He just brushed the questions off and said everything was fine, which it kind of wasn't.

 

~

 

Gerard was feeling a bit better when Bob got back, mainly because the everyone's crankiness was rather entertaining when they were hungover, Gerard couldn't blame them though, he was probably the same. Bob coming back brought even more good news when he had not only rented movies, but brought pizza too.

Once they had all settled in, Bob proceeded to hand out pizza boxes and get a movie on.

“So,” Bob said as he walked back to the makeshift mattress he was sharing with Andy. “I saw Frank at the pizza place.” Everyone looked towards him, then towards Gerard, and he thought he made a pretty good 'I'm not bothered' face. He had been learning with Mikey. “Turns out he couldn't come yesterday because he had an all night date with Jamia.” He said shrugging and taking a bite of pizza. And Gerard was seriously impressed at how he had managed to keep the 'I'm not bothered' face on, even when his heart had just skydived down to his guts.

“So let me get this straight,” Gabe started. “Frank missed out on one of his best friend's sixteenth birthday to get laid? Not cool man.” Everyone turned to him in surprise.

“Dude,” Pete said grinning. “Did you, Gabe Saporta, just say it's not worth it to miss out on your friend's birthday to get laid?”

Gabe shurgged. “I'm a sex maniac, not a douchebag. Yeah, pulling is really fucking great, but I wouldn't miss out on a friend's birthday because of it. Dick move.”

Andy hummed in agreement. “Yeah bros before hoes and all that.”

The conversation ended there as everyone turned back to the movie, except in Gerard's head. Frank had missed out on Mikey's birthday so he could spend the night with Jamia, he must have really cared about her. He cared about her a lot more than he did about Gerard, and that's when it finally dawned on him that Jamia was it for Frank. Gerard had never seen Frank care for anyone like he did for Jamia. 

He sighed sadly at the realization, the person he loved most was going to spend his life with someone else, and he was never going to get his best friend back. If a birthday wasn't important enough compared to Jamia for him to show up, why would any other day be? He should have just told Frank how he felt about him, it was pretty obvious he was going to lose him anyways, he might as well have had a reason for it, and the weight off his shoulders.


	4. Of Love and Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter over two days, at like 3 in the morning so if there's anything wrong just point it out and I'll fix it.

24th September 1999 - Friday

It had been almost 3 weeks since Frank had started dating Jamia, and 2 weeks since Mikey's birthday, and since Gerard had given up on trying to speak to him.

It was pretty obvious Frank had someone new in his life, and he didn't need Gerard anymore. He'd stopped hitching rides with him every morning, continued spending breaks with Jamia, started avoiding Gerard in hallways and in class, stopped hanging out with him after school, if he saw him leaving the house or if they passed each other he would just give him a curt nod. He had even bought a new car, and started driving it to school everyday with Jamia, then walking in with his arm wrapped around her tiny cute frame.

Gerard tried to pretend that everything was fine, but he figured it was just a matter of time before at least Mikey noticed. He was pretty sure he already had but just hadn't mentioned it, because even though he was a little shit, he was a great brother.  
The worst was that it was only Gerard he was avoiding, he still hung out with the guys, hell sometimes they had even asked Gerard to come along and he'd make up some excuse, knowing that if he hung out with Frank around the guys they'd immediately know something was wrong.

He missed Frank, his presence, being able to talk to him about lord of the rings, or argue over superheroes for hours. Falling asleep giggling to some stupid joke that one of them had said, having Frank eat breakfast at his house every morning.

He sighed heavily, he hadn't been leaving his room at all unless it was to go to school, to work or to buy records or smokes. Ray had been hanging a lot with him lately, as usual going to the comic store to keep him company during his shifts, hanging with him at breaks and coming over to his house to play video games. He almost always came with Brendon and Ryan, which was always a great way to cheer up, especially when Brendon decided it was karaoke time, which was a lot. They had their own lives though so they couldn't be with him all the time. He was fine with it though, he'd always just go bug Andy, Bob and Gabe, or Mikey. Usually Mikey though because that meant he didn't actually have to leave the house, and Mikey was almost always with Pete, Patrick, and Alicia, whom Gerard had decided was actually pretty awesome and maybe the most perfect person for Mikey ever. She wasn't extremely short or extremely tall, not skinny but not chubby. She had a thin face with beautiful green eyes, that had excessive amounts of eyeliner and eyeshadow on them, although it worked well for her. She also had her hair dyed red, although it had previously been black, and Gerard took a mental note that he should totally dye his hair red one day. She also always wore cool band shirts and skinny jeans, she was pretty much the female version of Mikey. He was pretty sure that at one point Mikey had even told him she wanted to get into pro wrestling and Gerard thought he had to make some sort of plan for them to get married because a sister-in-law that was a pro wrestler? Totally awesome.

He was so zoned out that he completely missed when Ray and Mikey came wandering in, until he felt his bed dip with weight.  
He looked over at his brother and his best friend who looked slightly worried.

"Hey Ray, hey Mikes, what's up?" he said popping the 'p'.

"Dude," Ray started, his voice going even more high pitched than usual. "You've been moping for weeks, don't think we didn't notice. You never even hang out with all the guys anymore, you just keep making shitty excuses."

Gerard rolled his eyes. "Dude I'm fine, I'm just a bit stressed out because it's senior year and I'm having doubts about SVA."

Mikey sighed. "Gee c'mon," He said, voice serious. "You and I both know this has nothing to do with SVA, this is about Frank isn't it?"

Ray glanced between them looking completely confused. "What the fuck has Frank done?" Ray said angrily.

"Oh my god you guys nothing, Frank's done nothing." Gerard said exasperatedly.

"That's the problem isn't it?" Mikey asked, tone way too calm for Gerard's liking. "He's done nothing and that's the problem. Don't think I haven't noticed how you two haven't hung out for almost three weeks." Mikey said.

Ray looked completely baffled. "You haven't hung out with Frank for almost three weeks?" Ray screeched.

Gerard scowled. "Don't look so surprised we talked about how this would happen." Gerard mumbled back.

"Yes but Gerard, I didn't know it had actually happened, not this soon. In how long haven't you spoken to him?" Ray said, almost shouting.

"Since Mikey's birthday more or less. I mean I kept asking him to hang out and he was always busy so I just stopped asking."

Mikey looked furious. "I'm going to kick that motherfucker's balls so hard they're going to come out of his throat." He said through gritted teeth.

"Seconded." Ray agreed, nodding his head.

"C'mon guys don't." Gerard argued. "Don't stoop down to his level, what is done is done, you kicking his balls won't make it not have happened."

Mikey sighed. "Fine, but only because you asked."

Ray nodded. "Yeah, I don't think I have it in me to kick someone anyway." he said grinning at Gerard, who couldn't help but chuckle back.

"Me and Alicia are going to the movies tonight, wanna come?" Mikey asked.

"Sure why not." Gerard answered. "Ray?"

"Yeah I'll come."

"Great! Now come one we're gonna be late for school." Mikey said, already ascending the stairs.

 

~

 

Frank had totally begun to forget about Gerard, sure he wasn't falling in love with Jamia, although she was a pretty cool friend, but it didn't matter because his plan was working. He was beginning to forget Gerard, and he wasn't even sure if it was because he was dating Jamia or if it was because he was away from Gerard. Probably the latter.

Of course he could break up with her, just pretend to be her boyfriend so she could make her ex girlfriend jealous. So he did just that.

"Hey Jams," He said as she got into his car. "So I just realized that dating you isn't really helping with the whole forgetting Gerard thing, just being away from him is working just fine so we don't really have a reason to stay together. I mean I could obviously still pretend to be your boyfriend so you can make your ex jealous but there's no need for it to be the real deal."

She shrugged. "Sure, we're going to have to start to really make a scene in public though, we aren't grinding her gears as much as I thought we would."

Frank beamed down at her, because she was a totally awesome friend, and he was beginning to forget Gerard so he was totally allowed to be in a happy mood. Funny how he'd never expected to feel this way after a break up, even though this relationship had been more of a mutual agreement. Whatever, he wasn't going to bask in the thought for too long, he had an ex girlfriend to make jealous, and Gerard to forget.

 

~

 

As Gerard made his way down to his basement he heard Mikey shout. 

“Don't take to long, we're leaving soon.”

“Whatever Mikey I'm just changing my shirt.” He shouted back at his brother, because his brother was a total dick. He pulled his sweaty T-shirt off of his slightly chubby frame, throwing it somewhere in the corner along with all the other clothes, and picked out an iron maiden shirt that was in his closet. He figured Ray must have left it there, because it was slightly big on him and, well it was still clean.

“C'mon Gerard we're leaving without you!” Mikey warned in a sing song voice.

“Jesus Mikes I'm coming.” Gerard said running up the stairs, scowling.

“Hey, nice shirt.” Ray said as soon as Gerard emerged.

“Oh, sorry, I hope you don't mind. It was the only clean one down there.” Gerard replied.

“Hey fine by me if it doesn't make you smell like ass.” Ray said shrugging, hint of a smirk on his face.

“Hey I don't smell that bad!” Gerard protested as Mikey and Ray giggled hysterically. Alicia rolled her eyes smiling at both of them.

“Hey I don't think you smell that bad Gee, besides even if you do, I'm used to it, I'm dating your brother.” She said winking at him.

Mikey snorted. “Whatever, you still totally love me.”

“Meh, you're okay.” Alicia said.

“Hey guys,” Ray said. “Not to alarm you or anything, but the movie starts kinda soon.”

“Yeah, let's go.” Mikey agreed.

\- Time Lapse -

As they got up to their house, Mikey turned to Alicia.

“You staying tonight? My mom's not home, some business trip in New York.”

“Yeah but your brother is.” Replied Gerard, scrunching up his nose.

“Sure I'm staying.” Alicia said.

Gerard fake gagged. “Ray, dude c'mon don't leave me hanging. Please stay?”

Ray snorted. “Sorry dude, going camping with my parents this weekend.” He said shrugging. “Besides, I don't really want to hear mikeyway sex noises.” He added, shuddering a bit at the mental image.

“TRAITORS.” Gerard dramatically shouted. “YOU'RE ALL TRAITORS.” He said, opening the door and making a scene, he couldn't help but giggle a bit though.

“Okay, okay. Let's go, the diva needs his sleep.” Mikey said to Alicia. “Bye Raymond.”

“Bye dudes.” Ray said, walking down the street.

 

It was about six in the afternoon when Gerard heard the door to his basement open.

“Mikes if you came here looking for condoms, I don't have any.”

“Guess again.” He heard, and that was totally not Mikey's voice.

“Hey Alicia, what are you doing here?” He asked, as the girl sat down on the bed, at his feet.

“I heard what happened with Frank.” She said calmly. 

Gerard sighed and put down his sketchbook and pencil, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands once they were free. “Jesus Christ he's been hanging around Pete Wentz too much. Has he gossiped to everyone about Frank?” He asked.

“Just me.” Alicia answered. “So, what happened?” She asked soothingly.

Gerard sighed again, and began to tell her what happened. “So as you know Frank and I used to be best buds back in primary.” 

Alicia rolled her eyes. “Gerard, I know all that up to the point where you became best friends again. What I don't know is how you're suddenly not talking.”

“I don't know.” Gerard said weakly, trying to not let his voice crack as the tears threatened to spill. “He just, started dating this girl and all of a sudden he's avoiding me. I tried asking him to hang out a couple of times but he'd always refuse, it's pretty obvious he didn't want to anymore so I stopped asking.” He said, a tear finally slipping down his cheek.

Alicia smiled sadly at him. “He's a dick. You trusted him even when he had done all that stuff to you and he broke your trust by going to do it again. I know it sucks, but that's not all is it?”

“I'm just never going to get my best friend back, and I miss him already.” He said.

“No that's not it. I know you've lost him but I also know you're considering Ray your best friend more and more each day, so what's truly bugging you?” She pressed.

“How do you know I'm considering Ray my best friend?” Gerard questioned, trying desperately to change subject.

“I'm dating Mikey Way, you kind of learn to know things. Now spill.”

“I love him.” He said, tears finally spilling.

Alicia's mouth was wide open in shock. “You what?”

“I love him. I realized I love him, everything about him.” He started speaking and he was on a roll. “I love the way he giggles like a kid at everything, and how he laughs at my totally lame jokes. I love his lips and his nose. His eyebrows, his voice, how small he is. How he always says he's going to get covered in tattoos, how playing his guitar always calms him and puts a smile on his face." He paused, sighing at a very wide eyed Alicia. "I was going to tell him how I felt about him the day I heard him ask out Jamia. I couldn't after I heard him ask her though. I thought it would make things weird between us and he'd push me away. Guess it happened anyway huh?." He said, eyes finally meeting Alicia's.

"Oh Gerard." She sighed sympathetically. "I'm afraid you have it bad for him. I know because that's how I feel about Mikey. But hey if he abandoned you for some whore and won't speak to his best fucking friend, then fuck him. He's a cunt, he doesn't deserve you." She said, wiping a tear off his face and smiling.

"I know but that doesn't make me not love him." he said sniffling. "When did fifteen year olds become so smart?" He asked.

"As I said, I'm dating Mikey Way." She said triumphantly.

"Is it true what you said about Mikey? Do you really feel that way about him." Gerard questioned.

"Yeah I mean, I totally love him. I don't want to tell him though because we're so young and he might freak out on me."

"Dude," Gerard said. "He's been with you for a year. It's fine for you to tell him you love him. Trust me if you don't, you might regret it. I know I do."

"But I want it to be perfect, and I know that sounds sappy but I really want it to be special, because Mikey's special to me. I don't want to blurt out 'I love you' at any moment." She argued.

Just then a creaking noise came from Gerard's door.

"You really feel like that about me?" Mikey asked softly, and Gerard could see the glint in his eyes. He grinned at Mikey and Alicia reassuringly, not sure who'd need more reassuring.

Alicia hesitated for a second. "Yeah Mikes I really do, I love you dude, you're like my second half. Who else would put up with you this long?" She joked, trying to lighten the mood.

Mikey grinned. An honest to God grin that was so rare a unicorn was born everytime it sketched it's way onto Mikey's face. "Well you're going to have to put up with me much longer if I have any say in it because I love you right back." He answered, pulling her into a kiss.

"Eww guys get a room!" Gee complained.

"Oh yeah about that," Mikey said, pulling away from Alicia's mouth. "I came down here to ask if you had any condoms."

Gerard groaned and flipped over, burying his face in his pillow. "No Mikey, Jesus Christ go away!" he shouted into his pillow, muffling the sound a bit. He heard the shuffling of feet and giggling behind him until, finally, he heard his door close.

He flipped over onto his back again, lying down and staring at the ceiling, sketch abandoned somewhere, and just basked in his thoughts. They were mainly about how Frank was totally fucking up his brain and how he was extremely thankful for Alicia, even though it was kind of gross that she was screwing his baby brother.

His baby brother was getting laid and he was still a virgin. Jesus Christ he'd have to go to ask Gabe to help with that.

 

 

 


	5. For The First Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not abandon this I simply watched 5 seasons of Daria in less than a week and kind of forgot about it but hello I have returned. And since I was stuck on an airplane for a few hours I wrote more than one chapter ^-^  
> Also because I wrote quite a lot I didn't have time to proof read so please point out any mistakes and I will fix them

2nd October 1999 – Saturday

 

Gerard woke up hangover from the party he had been to the previous night. He had gotten pretty drunk, however not drunk enough to forget what he had done. He groaned into his pillow in agony at the splitting headache and the memory.

 

“ _Yo Gee, my man. So you ready for tonight?” Gabe asked him whilst slinging an arm around his shoulder._

“ _As ready as I can be really, it's my first party and I already plan on getting laid.” Gerard chuckled, trying to hide his nervousness._

_Gabe laughed a bit. “About time to as well. You really came to the right person for help.”_

_Gerard gave him an unsure smile. “Yeah.”_

_So how do you plan on doing this, do you top or do I top?” Gabe asked._

_Gerard scrunched up his brows in confusion, then opened his mouth once he understood what Gabe was asking. “Gabe what the fuck dude, no way.” He said in a loud whisper. “When I said I'd need your help getting laid I didn't mean I wanted to fuck you or visa versa. I meant that you could help set me up with someone. It would be really weird fucking a friend.”_

_Gabe made an 'oh' face of understanding. “Figures, I didn't think you'd be that bold. By the way it's totally not weird to fuck a friend, I fucked Pete once and we're still tight bros.”_

_Gerard scrunched up his face in disgust. “Please tell me that happened before he started dating Patrick.”_

_Gabe mock gasped at him. “Gerard Way, I'm a sex maniac, not an asshole. How many times do I have to say that. I wouldn't just fuck someone that's already taken. Jesus Christ even that's fucked up for me.”_

_Gerard giggled at Gabe. “Ok Gabe, I totally believe you for what it's worth._

_Gabe smiled back at him. “Thank you Gee, now come on let's get you laid.”_

 

_-Time Lapse -_

_Gerard pulled on his pants as the other guy, Jake, laid in bed staring at him, covers pulled over his hips, leaning against the pillows and smoking a cigarette. He had been lucky enough to find some guy who had been gentle on him so he wouldn't feel it so much in the morning._

_As he finished getting dressed he turned to the guy. “Thanks for everything you know, like actually taking it easy and not ripping me apart the very first time I get fucked.”_

_Jake chuckled a bit, blowing out some smoke. He wasn't unattractive, in fact the very opposite. He had pale skin and messy brown hair. His face was sort of round but slim, dotted with freckles and with big green eyes. “No problem dude, it's not fun fucking someone if they're not enjoying it you know. I'd rather people be screaming in pleasure rather than in pain.”_

_Gerard smiled at him. “Thanks man, seriously, I appreciate it.”_

_Jake grinned back. “So did I.” He said winking._

_Gerard laughed a loud and honky laugh. “Ok then, I'm gonna scoot. See you around Jake.”_

“ _See ya Gee.” He replied, waving his hand with the cigarette in it, vaguely making Gerard anxious that he was going to set something on fire._

_He smiled back one last time and stepped out of the door, closing it behind him. He felt around in his pockets to make sure he had everything and to his surprise he did. He had taken a ride with Gabe but he figured he should take a cab back home, mainly because he couldn't really drive since he was still a bit drunk, and Gabe definitely couldn't. Besides, Gabe would most likely just crash at whoever's house Gerard was at. He thought that maybe he could too, since it was pretty late and getting a cab this late in New Jersey was risky business, but immediately brushed off the thought as he caught Frank out of the corner of his eye with Jamia._

_No, he thought, he was definitely not staying at this party a second longer. He made his way to the front door as quickly as he could, in the crowd of people, and as he stepped outside he just hoped no one had spotted him._

 

Thinking about it, Gerard remembered how great the sex had been, he was expecting it to hurt a lot more, but Jake had taken it slowly and made sure to not hurt him, always asking if he was okay. Yeah it had burnt a bit, but it was bearable and after a while, hardly noticeable.

His ass was a little sore, but he just supposed it was totally worth it after the awesome orgasm he had had last night. He grinned to himself, he had muscle cramps in places he didn't know he could get muscle cramps, a sore ass, and a headache, but he was no longer a virgin, and the first time he had sex had been purely awesome. The more he remembered his night, the more he understood why house parties were so amazing.

 

~

 

Frank woke up feeling exhausted, he had had virtually no sleep, and not just because of the party. He had laid awake in his bed for over two hours after he got home just thinking. Mainly about what he had seen at the party, more accurately, who. 

The first glance Frank took by accident he had thought nothing of it, just a pale guy with dark hair, but then he did a double take and noticed how out of place and awkward he looked, and more importantly the girly face. What Gerard had been doing at a party, Frank had no idea, but he did spend over two hours dwelling on it.

For the entire year Frank had been best friends with Gerard he had never once been to a party, no matter how much Frank or the others begged, Gerard had never gone. Yet there he had been, and Frank knew he had been there a while too, considering it was already 2 in the morning when Frank had spotted him heading out. From his knowledge the party had started at 9, and when he asked around he found out that Gerard had arrived with Gabe at around 10.

He had to come up with a way to find out what Gerard was doing there, he figured calling Gabe would probably be the best solution for him, and if Gabe didn't know then he'd just have to resort to calling Mikey, even though he didn't really want to speak with him considering Mikey was slightly pissed at him, and the kid knew how to hold a grudge. 

He picked up his phone and dialed Gabe's number, praying to whatever forces that he'd be up and would answer his phone. After a few rings he finally heard a groan from the other side of the line.

“Frank what the fuck?” Gabe croaked into his phone. “Do you have any idea what time it is?”

Frank chuckled. “Dude it's like midday.”

“Fuck.” Gabe breathed into the phone. “Way too fucking early. What do you want Iero?”

Frank cuckled a bit more. “I was just wondering about Gerard I mean, I think I saw him yesterday at the party and I'm pretty sure I wasn't hallucinating or anything. I mean for one I wasn't even that drunk, and I wasn't high, and secondly, I don't think any amount of drugs could create a hallucination that trippy, Gerard way at a party.” He said.

“Yeah,” Said Gabe with a hint of a smirk in his voice. “Gerard was at the party, can I go back to sleep now?”

“Hold your horses,” Frank said. “Just what the fuck was Gerard doing at a party?” He said, frowning in confusion.

Gabe sighed. “What are you his mom? And if you really must know Gerard was at a party getting laid, you know losing his v card and all.”

Frank felt his stomach drop, Gerard had been losing his virginity, at a party. He couldn't even focus on the sadness and jealousy that had coiled in the pit of his stomach, to concentrated on the fact that losing your virginity at a party was definitely not the best idea. “Do you happen to know who he lost it to?” Frank asked a bit more weakly than what he would've liked it to have come out.

“Jesus fucking Christ it's like I'm in interrogation. Yes I do, Jake Waters, you know him. Can I fucking go back to sleep now?” Gabe asked a bit more irritated.

“Yeah sure, don't let me keep you up.” Frank said, hanging up the phone after Gabe muttered what sounded like adios, or asshole, Frank wasn't sure.

He was torn between many feelings, relief that Gerard had lost his virginity to Jake Waters, because Frank had lost his asshole virginty to that dude too and he knew he took things easy and gently, so Gerard would most likely be ok, jealousy because Jake was also fucking gorgeous, and he could win Gerard's heart anyday. But mostly he was too busy asking himself what the fuck? Because Gerard was apparently gay and he had no idea all this time. Now that he thought about it he had no idea how he hadn't even noticed, Gerard acted almost as gay as Pete Wentz, and that was saying something.

He shoved his face back into his pillow groaning from the lack of sleep and all this new found information and decided to go back to sleep. If Jamia called he'd just have to say he wasn't up for anything today.

 

~

 

Mikey started eyeing Gerard suspiciously when he came upstairs, looking cheery. Which never happened soon after Gerard woke up. When he started to do favors for Mikey and not answering him sarcastically Mikey finally had enough, he cornered him in the kitchen and began his questionnaire.

“Why are you so cheery today?” Mikey asked, making sure to keep his tone neutral, not that he had to try too hard these days.

Gerard looked around nervously, everywhere except Mikey's eyes. “No reason at all, Jesus can't I be cheery without my brother being all over my ass.” He finally answered, trying to cover up his nervousness with snappiness. It didn't work on Mikey though, he knew his brother too well. 

He looked at him for a few seconds. “Where were you last night? You came home pretty late.”

Gerard sighed. “Look I was at a party okay.”

Mikey snorted. “Yeah right, where were you really?”

Gerard looked him dead in the eyes. “I told you, I was at a party.” And Mikey knew he wasn't lying, because Gerard wasn't able to hold eye contact when he was lying.

“What were you doing at a party?” Mikey asked, raising an eyebrow and tone more curious.

“You really don't want to know Mikes.” Gerard said.

“C'mon it can't be that bad.” Mikey pressed, and saw the exact moment in Gerard's eyes where he realized Mikey wasn't going to let up.

Gerard sighed a bit. “I went to a party to lose my virginity.” He mumbled quietly looking down.

Mikey almost choked on his spit because he had seen and heard way too much stuff that was so not like Gerard in the time frame of just a few hours. “So, uh, how did it go?” He asked, trying to be supportive instead of bash him, he was clearly embarrassed.

Gerard looked up at him smiling. “Great actually, the dude was pretty hot and really nice.”

Mikey looked at him unsurely. “You're not hurt or anything are you?” He asked.

Gerard rolled his eyes. “I'm fine Mikes seriously, sometimes it seems like you're the older brother. But thanks for you know, worrying.”

Mikey brought him into a hug. “It doesn't matter if I'm the older brother or not. But I am your brother and I love you, so I obviously care for you and worry.” He whispered into Gerard's ear, pulling away afterward.

Gerard smiled up at him. “Thanks Mikes, I love you too.”


	6. Hopelessly Romantic

24th October 1999 – Sunday

 

Gerard did not remember ever being as exhausted on weekends as he had been the last few weeks. He had been going to quite a few parties, some with Gabe, Andy and Bob, others with Pete, Patrick, Mikey, and Alicia, or sometimes with Ray, Ryan and Brendon, although they didn't go to as many parties and preferred to stay at either's house playing video games.

He tried to avoid going to the same parties that Frank went to, even though sometimes it was inevitable. He wasn't getting laid all the time as well, sometimes he just wanted to chill with the guys and maybe play some beer pong. 

All that aside though, it was Frank's 18th birthday in a week and even if the guy had been a complete asshole towards him, he was still going to get him a present. In Gerard's mind Frank was still one of his best friends and you didn't turn 18 everyday. He still had no idea what to get him though, maybe he'd paint him something. Yeah, he thought, that was totally it. He could probably also afford to buy him a small present too. He was still working on what to draw him though so he couldn't be too ahead of himself thinking on what to buy him, it'd all come to him eventually, most things to do with his creative process did.

He got out of bed and groaned, his hangover wasn't the worst that he had had, but that didn't exactly make it pleasant. He figured he'd go pour himself a cup of coffee and then he could start brainstorming ideas for Frank's present.

He walked into the kitchen, got his coffee and walked out of the kitchen as quick as ever, earning him a yell of his name from Mikey.

He sighed. “What do you want Mikes?” He yelled back.

“Why are you in such a rush, it's Sunday man.” Mikey replied.

“I'm just gonna work on some stuff for Frank's present, you know sketches and shit.”

“Oh,” Mikey said. “Yeah his party's on Saturday.”

Gerard felt his stomach drop, Frank was having a party and nobody had told him about anything. He was attached but he wasn't stupid, he knew he wasn't invited.

“Helloooo Gerard, are you even fucking listening?” Mikey said.

“Huh?” Gerard replied, finally snapped out of his trance.

“I asked you if you were going to Frank's party, since you guys are not speaking at all.” Mikey muttered.

“Um, I actually wasn't invited.” Gerard said, barely above a whisper.

“What the fuck?” Mikey suddenly shouted. “He seriously didn't fucking invite you to his 18th birthday party?” He asked, running out of the kitchen and facing Gerard.

Gerard shrugged. “No I guess not.”

“Oh fuck this shit.” Mikey said, pacing. “The only reason I'm not over at his house right now beating his ass is because you asked me not to.” Mikey said pointing at Gerard. “But if you're not going then I'm sure as shit not going.” He stated.

Gerard sighed frustrated. “Fine whatever but this stays between you and me. I don't want everyone knowing I wasn't invited.”

Mikey scowled at him. “He deserves for people to know he's an asshole though.” Mikey said desperately. “Please just let me tell people what he did to you.”

“No Mikey fuck off, people won't see it as Frank being an asshole, they'll see it as me being a loser, just fucking don't.” Gerard shouted at him.

“Woah okay I'm sorry.” Mikey said, with a softer tone. “Just fine, whatever you want Gee.”

“I'm just gonna go back downstairs.” Gerard said.

“You better not be making that asshole a birthday present.” Mikey warned.

“Fuck you Mikey I do what I want. Besides I'm not going to be as much of an asshole as he is.” Gerard said as he slammed the door to his basement.


	7. Halloween - Part 1

31st October 1999 – Sunday

 

It was 5pm and Gerard had just finished Frank's birthday present, it was a drawing of Frank and his mom. He didn't want to draw him and Jamia because that would be too painful for him to handle and if he drew a picture of him and Frank, Frank would probably just throw it out. Not that Gerard had any reassurance that Frank wouldn't throw this one out. He had spent forever drawing it, working on it everyday, including during his work hours at the comic store.

He also wrote Frank a letter and bought him an old batman comic that Frank would always whine about not having. It was simple, but it was from the heart. He even wrapped all of it in perfection, in the best wrapping paper he could find.

He had been slacking around for the rest of the afternoon when suddenly everyone burst into his basement.

“What the fuck?” He asked looking at everyone confused, when Mikey came in after them with an equally confused look.

“Dude it's like 7pm, Frank's birthday party is like in an hour. You and Mikey have to get your costumes on.” Bob said, looking kind of weird with the wearwolf attire he had on. 

“Um, we're not going.” Gerard said gingerly.

“What? Why not?” Andy asked.

This time Mikey answered for him. “Well Frank didn't invite Gerard to his party and since I didn't want to leave Gerard alone on Halloween I decided to stay with him and have a horror movie marathon.” 

Everyone including Gerard had shocked faces, then they all turned to him. “He seriously didn't invite you?” Pete asked.

Gerard shrugged. “We haven't spoken in forever.”

“Well I refuse to go now.” Bob said. “Assholes don't deserve friends at their parties."

Everyone agreed quickly. “No come on you guys, you have to go or you'll be as much of an asshole as him.” Gerard said quickly. “You're not going to miss out on his 18th birthday, that's even more assholish.”

Ray nodded his head. “He does have a point. Well, as long as you and Mikey are okay with it.”

“Fine and dandy.” Mikey replied. “We'll be talking shit about him behind his back.” He said smiling at Gee, who couldn't help but giggle back.

“Okay if you guys are okay, we'll be going now.” Pete said.

“Oh yeah, just one second.” Gerard said, reaching for the immaculate wrapping. “Just give this to Frank for me.” He said handing it to Patrick, because he knew he was the most likely to not burn it or refuse to give it to Frank.

“You have got to be shitting me.” Andy said. “The asshole didn't invite you to his party and hasn't spoken to you in weeks, yet you still got him a present? With perfect wrapping as well.”

Gerard sighed. “Just please, leave it be?”

Andy scowled. “Fine, whatever. Let's go guys.”

“Yeah, see ya dudes!” Pete said, as they all shuffled up the basement stairs.

“Is Alicia coming over?” Gerard asked Mikey once they were alone.

“Yeah, later. She wants to help comfort you.” Mikey said, rolling his eyes a bit.

Gerard grinned. “Awesome. Alicia's rad. You two are totally perfect together.”

“And you are totally gay.” Mikey replied.

“Not as gay as Pete Wentz.” Gee said giggling.

“True.” Mikey chuckled. “Now shall we get this marathon started?”

 

~

 

The Party had been going on for a while. Frank had seen glimpses of his friends but he hadn't had a chance to talk to them, however who he had not seen was Mikey, which was odd because even though he had not invited Gee, he had invited Mikey. Maybe he was off somewhere sucking face with Alicia, which brought him to now where Jamia and her ex-girlfriend were now snogging in the corner. Well, he thought, seems like there's no more pretend girlfriend. And now that he didn't have her company to distract him, he felt kind of lonely, like something was missing.

Suddenly, he felt someone bump into him and before he could apologize, there was Pete, handing him two gifts, one appallingly wrapped and the other perfect, and to his complete shock saying 'Happy fucking birthday you asshole', and not in a joking friendly way, he was serious, scarily so. He looked around and saw all the disapproving faces that his friends wore, they all came up to him and handed them each their present, and left quicker than they came. 

Frank was officially weirded out, and he thought that maybe if he was lucky, his room would still be rid of people sucking face, so with his armful of presents, he made his way up into his room, and closed the door behind him.

He made his way through his presents, some DVD's, a few CD's and then the rare comic, and finally when he finished unwrapping all of them, he came to the pristine wrapped gift. 

He felt a clench in his gut when he looked at the label and saw in perfect handwriting: From Gerard to Frank. He almost felt bad for ruining the wrapping, the black paper, smooth under his fingers, with the tape strategically placed, and the orange ribbon around it. The clench in his stomach only grew when he opened the small box to find an envelope with: For Frank written beautifully across it, the Batman comic he had been whining about not having for ages, and an astounding drawing of him and his mother that Gerard had done to the very last detail. He could feel his throat constricting and the tears threatening to spill.

He took out the envelope and carefully ripped it open, unfolding the piece of thick beige paper that had the same perfect handwriting scrawled across it, and began to read.

 

_Dear Frank,_

 

_I am truly sorry for whatever I did that made you stop speaking to me, whether it was offending you, or simply not being good enough. The truth is, is that I was foolish last year when I thought our friendship would last this time around, because I have come to realize, that I am no one's first choice, I am never the best someone can do._

_I really do hope that you know that I still look up to you all the same, your confidence and ability to just throw yourself into things headfirst, because you see, I do not have the same courage. I could have told you, for the longest time I have held this secret I could have just told you. But I didn't, because as I said, I am not as brave as you are, not even close enough. The secret is, Frank Iero, that I love you. And not just a best friend or brotherly love, I am truly and completely in love with you._

_Your smile, your innocent eyes, how your hair falls so softly across your face and how you are so enthusiastic about music and all the artwork that you will get inked across your skin, although I know for sure it will never compare to the artwork that you are yourself. I love the way that you speak, and the way that you still have that childish giggle. I love that you're confident in yourself and that you stand up for what you believe in._

_I was going to tell you all this, that day a couple of months ago when you asked out your lovely girlfriend Jamia. But after I heard that little request, I couldn't bring myself to it, out of my fear that you would shut me out. I regret not being brave, for things could be a lot more different now if I hadn't been so scared. So I am telling you now, I am getting over my fears, and being as brave as I think you would have been, as brave as I aspire to be, and I know that I'm not telling you this face to face, which I guess can be percieved as cowardly, but I am sorry to say that if I told you this face to face, I would by now be in tears. All that doesn't matter though, all that matters is that you know that I love you, and I am truly sorry if this makes your life harder, but I couldn't keep this from you any longer._

_Maybe one day I'll have the luck of understanding why we stopped talking, maybe our friendship was never meant to be, the two times we tried to make it happen it failed, so maybe it's best for everyone if we don't try again._

_I hope you have a truly wonderful life, and may you be happy, because that is all I wish for you. I am sorry for not being enough, but I can't even try to amount to being as great as you are._

 

_The best of the best for you, Frank Iero._

_A Happy Birthday, and a Happy Halloween._

 

_Yours Truly, and Forever, G. Way_

_x_

 

Frank didn't even realize he had been crying until he saw the first tear drip onto the paper, luckily not landing on any ink so it wouldn't smudge. He folded put it back into the box, placing it carefully on his nightstand. He crawled onto his bed and lay there, in fetal position, silently sobbing.

He felt like he had failed Gerard, and he had. No wonder his friends weren't speaking to him, if he were them he'd be beating himself up. The one thing he had promised he'd never do to Gerard again, he did one more time, all because of being afraid of love. And here was Gerard, writing him a beautiful letter, so perfect it was almost poetry, on how Frank was so brave and just took things as they came, and how Gerard would never be as good as him.

Gerard was a saint, and Frank had made him feel disposable and worthless. When in fact it was Frank that was more like that. Here was Gerard saying Frank was so brave, when Gerard was going to tell him he loved him, the same day that Frank used Jamia to forget Gee, running away like a child. Here was Gerard apologizing for not being good enough, and that that made Frank leave, when Frank left out of selfishness, and he was the one that wasn't good enough for leaving. Here was Gerard thinking there friendship was never meant to be, because Frank had been a phenomenal asshole to him twice, yet here he was saying he still wished Frank all the best, even though they'd never be friends again. But the one that got the most to him, was how Gerard had apologized for telling Frank he loved him.

Gerard felt so worthless and stupid, when Gerard had thought of Frank to get him the most perfect gifts for his birthday, when Frank had been stupidly selfish to not even invite him around for the party. Frank felt a burning sadness, Gerard didn't feel good enough because Frank made him feel disposable. Gerard was the most considerate human being to have ever walked on the planet, and he felt as if he were the worst, just because he thought Frank thought of him that way.

And suddenly Frank realized just how much love and respect the boy had for him. Frank deserved none of it. He sobbed harder into his pillow, not caring at all that he was smudging all his makeup, he didn't even want to leave his room ever again. He didn't want to face his friends, or Gerard ever again. He heard a soft knock at his door.

“Go away.” He sobbed miserably.

The door creaked open, showing a sympathetic looking Brendon. “What's wrong Frank?” He asked softly, closing the door behind him and making his way towards the bed.

“Nothing just leave me the fuck alone.” Frank said.

“Hey c'mon, I know this about Gerard. It's better to vent than to keep it all in.” Brendon pushed.

Frank sighed, figuring Brendon was right, and told him everything, even reading the letter aloud to him.

“Do you love him back?” Brendon asked at the end.

“Of course I do.” Frank said, wiping his tears.

“Then tell him.” Brendon said simply, shrugging.

Frank scowled. “I can't. He probably never wants to see me again, let alone talk to me or date me.”

Brendon smiled. “Frank, it takes a lot more than assholish behavior or obliviousness to stop love. Gerard will still love you, trust me.”

“How do you know?” Frank inquired.

“Ryan also has problems with attachment, since his father was an alcoholic and all, it's hard for him to let himself feel loved, or love back. He doesn't trust it. I still love him all the same though.”

“Yes but he didn't ditch you twice, leaving you alone and heartbroken. Gerard will never trust me again, let alone the other guys, and I don't even need to mention Mikey.”

Brendon shrugged. “Then win his trust back, tell him you love him to but don't be upset if he doesn't want to start a relationship yet. You didn't even make it though a friendship without breaking his trust twice. And the other guys don't matter, if Gerard forgives you, they'll learn to as well.”

Frank nodded, still feeling numb from everything.

“C'mon.” Brendon said. “Let's get you cleaned up, you have a party to get back to.”

“I don't want to celebrate my 18th birthday without Gerard.” Frank mumbled.

Brendon sighed. “I can try and convince him, Mikey, and Alicia to come, but I make no promises.”

Frank nodded, smiling thankfully at Brendon, and got himself up, carefully storing the box under his bed.

“Go on get yourself fixed in the bathroom while I go over to Gerard's.” Brendon said, already running down the stairs.

Frank walked into the bathroom and checked his reflection, giggling at how pathetic he looked. Now that the bad mood was gone, he was feeling giddy. Gerard loved him back and there was a chance that he'd be showing up. Well, if that were to happen, he'd better look good for him. So he set off to work.


	8. Halloween - Part 2

 

31st October 1999 – Sunday

 

Gerard and Mikey were up to their third movie, Alicia having arrived halfway through the first, and Gerard's spirits had been lifted up a bit by both of them, between the horror movies, Mikey talking shit about Frank, and Alicia saying encouraging words to Gerard like 'don't worry Gee, he's not worth it anyway.'

All in all he was in a pretty good mood, and halfway through a shitty version of Dracula, he heard his doorbell ring.

“I'll get it.” He said to Mikey and Alicia, already pushing himself up from the bed.

He made his way up the stairs of his basement, hearing his doorbell ring again.

“Coming.” He shouted, speeding his step to sprint up the stairs.

When he got to the door, he wasn't all that surprised to see Brendon on the other side.

He sighed loudly, letting Brendon in nonetheless. “Brendon I thought I'd told you guys not to miss the party because of me.”

Brendon grinned back at him. “I'm not ditching, I came to get you guys ready so you can go join the party.”

Gerard scowled at him. “Brendon don't be ridiculous, feel free to get Mikey and Alicia, but I wasn't invited.” Said Gerard with a shrug.

Brendon's grin seemed to get even bigger, if that was possible. “Nope, you're invited too. Just spoke to Frank, he says he doesn't want to carry on his party without you.”

Gerard had to process all this for a few seconds. First of all Frank wanted him at his party, not only just in a 'being nice having you there' way, but in a way that he didn't want to carry on the party without Gerard there. Second of all, he had no idea if he wanted to go, let alone Mikey getting all overprotective and not letting him. He had to think about it for a second, on one hand he really didn't want to go, as a fuck you to Frank, make him suffer as much as he had made Gerard suffer. On the other, he always was a firm believer that people should get second chances. He cut himself short right there. He had given Frank a second chance, and Frank had thrown it all back in his face the exact same way he did the first time. However, Gerard figured, he knew how much that hurt, and if Frank truly wanted him there, he wasn't going to be a dick and hurt him the same way. He wasn't going to stoop down to Frank's level, and he had to admit he couldn't keep away, he couldn't resist. He loved the boy, if he wasn't doing this for the sake of not hurting Frank, he was doing it for the sake of keeping his sanity.

He sighed and rubbed his forehead. “Fine I'll go, can't make any promises about Mikey and Alicia though. I'm pretty sure I can whip an outfit together.”

Brendon smiled brightly at him. “Great, c'mon let's get moving.”

Gerard got to the door of his basement again, fidgeting awkwardly, kind of scared to break the news to Mikey.

Apparently he didn't have to, since as soon as Brendon found his way into Gerard's room straight after him, he was telling everyone. “C'mon you two love birds get ready. We're going to Frank's.”

Mikey didn't even look that surprised. He just raised an eyebrow and looked at Gerard. “You ok with this?”

Gerard just shrugged. He supposes Mikey must've understood that Gerard was fine with it though. Mikey always knew stuff like that. “Okay then.” He said. “Let's get ready.”

Perhaps he had dressed up as a vampire because he had been inspired by Dracula, or maybe it was that he knew that vampires were Frank's favorite creatures, but that was all beside the point.

He had managed to find some pretty cool stuff, simple, but if put together the right way, effective. He had found a white shirt, some black slacks, and a black vest, assuming it was probably from some wedding he had been at or something, with some black shoes to match. He had also managed to find some red silky material he used to wrap around the collar of his shirt, kind of like a napkin. It took him a while to find through his art supplies but eventually he found some white face paint and fake blood, supposing he should really have just put them with his makeup. He got any visible part of his skin painted white, and then dabbed some fake blood on his lips and dribbling down, the dark red contrasting with the pale white beautifully. 

He turned around stating that he was ready, when he saw Mikey there, with a beautiful cape, dark red on the inside and black on the outside, with a beautifully metal cuff to hold it in place. The material was velvety as well, and he didn't even want to consider why or when Mikey had bought it, let alone how much it had cost him. Mikey must've read the look on his face though, or maybe it was just that he was _Mikey,_ but he chuckled a bit and just stated that he had bought it for a project he had had to do in drama.

“Awesome isn't it?” He said.

Gerard let out a breathy 'fuck yeah'. “Can I?” He asked pointing to the cape in his brother's hand.

“Yeah course Gee, it's the reason why I brought it down here you numpty, or do you think a zombie couple is going to need a vampire cape?” 

Gee just chuckled at him and shrugged the cape on carefully, it fit him because Mikey was a tall kid, and when he did up the cuff and looked in the mirror, his breath caught in his throat.

“Woah.” Breathed Brendon, sounding beyond himself. “You look fucking awesome dude.”

“He's right.” Said Alicia. “You look straight out of a fucking movie.”

Gerard blushed at the compliments. “Well you guys aren't looking too bad yourselves he smiled.”

Mikey just rolled his eyes, but still smiled fondly at him. “You look great Gee. It might all be a waste though if we don't get to the party before it ends.” He stated.

Brendon let out an 'oh shit', and they all glanced at each other before running up the stairs and out the door.

 

~

 

Frank had fixed himself up completely, managing to uncrumple his clothes a bit and fix his makeup, his eyes were kind of bloodshot and it made them look awesome against the white paint he had on his face, so he decided to put a pinkish read eyeshadow all over his eyelids and underneath. He couldn't deny it, he looked like an even fucking better vampire than he did before.

He had dressed up as a vampire for his 18th birthday because not only were they his favorite creatures, he supposed he couldn't help but notice how Gerard had a fascination with them, and how Gerard was almost vampiric himself. He did it all subconsciously as well, he didn't even realize he had been doing it for Gerard until he started fixing himself up. Well partially anyways.

He heard the doorbell ring and suddenly felt a bolt of anxiousness, what if Gerard had refused to show up? He couldn't handle that rejection. He mentally kicked himself because he had made Gerard feel that way twice, one of them after promising him not to do it again. 

He wiped his sweaty hands on his black skinny jeans and took a deep breath, preparing himself for whoever he saw at the door. To be honest he wasn't entirely sure if he was more scared of Gerard being there or not. However he figured it was best he answered the door.

He ran down the stairs almost tripping over a few and shoving his way past everyone in his house to get to the door. When he opened it he almost tripped again, this time over his own feet.

Brendon was there grinning as always and Mikey and Alicia were dressed up as an awesome zombie couple but he didn't focus on that because his mind was all on Gerard. Gerard was standing there shuffling awkwardly from foot to foot and he looked goddamn _beautiful_. Gerard already looked sort of like a vampire but now that he was dressed up he looked like he had come straight out of Dracula. He had on a simple shirt with black slacks and a black vest but the silk around his collar and the wine red and black velvet cape were astounding. He was even paler than usual and had fake blood making his lips look red and full, and his black hair was ruffled up, looking extremely soft. Frank suddenly felt very self conscious of his own shitty costume, however because it was Gerard, he gave Frank a really warm smile and said “You look great Frankie, happy birthday.”

Frank just wanted to grab him and kiss the shit out of him right there, instead he gave Gerard a small thanks and let them all in.

He leaned against the door after he closed it and squeezed his eyes shut. He reopened them and sighed, he really needed to speak to Gerard.

He found him in his living room, still close to Mikey, and he made his way toward him.

“Hey Gerard, can I have a word in private?” he whispered.

Mikey must have overheard though because he suddenly got all up in Frank's face. “No you can't, you want to speak to him you can also speak to me.” He said in an aggressive tone, and Frank gulped.

Suddenly Gerard touched Mikey's arm gently. “Let me deal with it, my problem not yours.” He said softly.

Mikey looked hesitant for a second but then nodded at Gerard and stepped away from Frank. Now Gerard's eyes were on him, and he gestured up towards his bedroom, and started to lead the way, Gerard close behind him.

He walked into his room and flopped down onto his bed, closing his eyes shut again. He heard the double click of the door closing, then locking, and decided it was safe to open his eyes.

“I have something to tell you.” Frank whispered quietly. Gerard hummed so he carried on. “I love you too, the same way you loved me. That's the only reason why I pushed you away because no matter how brave you think I am, I couldn't deal with my feelings for you so I ran away like a fucking coward. And I'm so sorry, I only even dated Jamia because I thought by dating her I could forget you but then I realized what was helping was keeping myself away and I kept on pretending to date her so she could make her ex jealous and they're now both sucking face downstairs whilst I'm here feeling like the biggest fucking dick. I can't believe you feel so stupid and worthless when you're anything but, and I'm disgusted that I even made you feel that way, because you don't deserve it. You're great, enthusiastic, sweet, and caring, and I love you to fucking bits, and the thought of not being able to have you ripped me apart so fucking much that I ran away from it all, going back on the promise that meant most to you, and to me. But if you still love me, then I am willing to accept your love and give you mine back, and this time I swear on everything that's important to me that I won't fuck up.” He blurted.

Gerard shut his eyes and took a deep breath, afterward reopening them. “Frank, I can't keep giving you second chances. I give you my trust back and every single time you throw it back in my face and send my feelings to shit, you can't expect to just fall at your feet again.” He said calmly, and composed, and Frank seriously wondered when he had gotten this skilled because Gerard was usually tumbling and gagging all over his words in situations like this. _Probably when you were too busy ignoring him and making him feel like shit_ his brain supplied as an answer.

Frank sighed. “No Gee, fuck.” He pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes. “I didn't mean it like that.” He said looking up at him. “I don't even expect you to be here right now talking and putting up with me, not after the shit I put you through. All I'm saying is that, if you do still love me, and are willing to put up a bit longer with me, that you can give me your love any day you want, and I'll give mine back.”

Gerard just sighed. “That's exactly what I mean. I gave you my friendship twice and you chucked it carelessly to the side, yet here you still are saying it's fine if I give you my _love._ For you it might be fucking fine, but for me it's not. You pushed me around for four years after we stopped being friends, and what I didn't even realize until now was that it didn't end after those four years, you still kept pushing me around, not intentionally, and it wasn't even your fault, because you didn't push me into anything, but I was still in your control, I followed you around like a puppy, you were my role model. I'm just really fucking tired of falling at your feet and worshiping you just because you goddamn asked. I'm tired of doing shit for you and not even caring about how I feel, and I'm tired of you taking me for granted. I meant what I said in that letter you know, I still think our friendship wasn't meant to be, and that it should just cease to exist.” Gerard said, once again, firmly.

Frank felt his throat seizing up, Gerard couldn't be saying this, let alone actually meaning it. He gulped trying to get the lump in his throat go down, it didn't however. All he felt was the ache in his throat from trying to hold back the tears, drowned out by the pain in his chest. It was unbelievable, it felt like his organs were being pulled out of it by a hook, just tugging. Or as if it had completely swelled up with a gas, and it hurt, physically and emotionally. And Frank broke. After choking out quietly a “Gee, no. Don't do this, you can't.” He started sobbing, curling into his side in a fetal position like he had earlier, and ruining his makeup for the second time that night. _What a great fucking 18_ _th_ _birthday,_ he thought bitterly to himself.

“Gee you can't – you can't do this to me.” He sobbed out.

Gerard looked on the verge of tears himself, yet when he spoke he sounded as calm and composed as he had before. “Why not Frank, you've done it twice to me.”

And suddenly Frank felt pissed, not only at the low blow, because Gerard fucking _knew_ how much he regretted that, but also that Gerard was even fucking suggesting this. 

“Why not?” He suddenly shouted, bolting up and wiping away his tears. “You're seriously asking me this? Well then I'll tell you why not, because if you feel even a fraction as much as I feel for you then you _know_ you fucking _know_ that you can't go one day without me without it physically hurting, because I sure as hell feel that way. Without you I am fucking nothing, I am an idiot who thinks he's hot shit when really, he's just a scumbag, but you make me so much more than that. So if you truly love me then you know you can't live without me, because that's how love works, and love is more than your stupid fucking fate bullshit, and if you can live without me, then you're a dirty fucking liar.” He spat out at Gerard right up close and personal to his face, tone tense and low, between gritted teeth.

Gerard growled, and Frank had to do a double take because wow, he didn't know if he should be scared or turned on. “You know what Frank?” Gerard asked, getting even closer. “Fuck you. You're a fucking dick you know that? Do you actually think the reason I suggested ending this friendship is because I didn't love you and could live without you, or because I believe in some stupid fate bullcrap? Did it not occur to you I'm ending it because I'm tired of being fucking trampled over and taken for granted? That I'm tired of my best fucking friend pushing me away?” He spat back in the same tone as Frank, and that was it. They hadn't broken each other, they had smashed each other to pieces. 

“Yeah well maybe it didn't occur to you that maybe I do think you believe in this fate shit because you mentioned it in your stupid fucking letter, and that it's kind of hard to believe your love for me when you're spewing insults and bullshit excuses as to why we should stop hanging out.” Frank said, and it didn't even sound like Frank. Not even to himself. It sounded low and raw and animal like. It sounded fucking dangerous. However, Gerard had no trouble in matching the tone.

“Yeah well maybe you're just too fucking stupid to understand that it was a metaphor of sorts, and that maybe, just maybe I'm spewing insult at you because I'm mad as shit.” Gerard said.

They just glanced at each other for a few seconds, actually looking like two vampires in a fight, and they were scared, scared shitless of what the other would do. Frank couldn't help himself though. They were so fucking close, he could feel Gerard's ragged breathing on his cheek, and he could feel both of their bodies radiating the adrenaline from the argument, he could feel it pumping through his fucking veins.

He shoved Gerard roughly against the wall, immediately attacking his mouth with rage and angst, but also pure fucking lust and passion. He was everywhere, hands flying erratically to Gerard's hair, his tongue shoving into his mouth mercilessly, tasting as much of him as he could, Gerard's tongue shoving back as strong, his hands grabbing Frank's hips hard enough to leave fucking bruises, and pushing him back against the bed, and shoving him roughly onto it, straddling his hips a second later and getting back to business. They lay there just for a few minutes, eating each other's face out like there was no tomorrow, fucking dirty and raw, yet with so much passion it hurt. Rolling around the bed in a battle of dominance, until the kiss eventually slowed down into a slow and calm pace, and ending with a small peck of the lips.

They lay there, side by side, facing each other flushed, panting and heavy with how _intense_ it had all been, staring into each other's eyes and trying to catch their breath. It was almost as intense as the kiss had been, like they were staring into each other's soul, bonding them. Like they were reading their deepest darkest secrets, yet there was a silent promise that not a single word would be said. 

Eventually it got to much for Frank, he closed his eyes and let out a shuddery breath. “I'm so fucking sorry Gee, I'm such a fucking moron and I don't deserve you, no matter how much I try to redeem myself. Hell I could go through a thousand lifetimes of redeeming myself, yet still not be enough for you.”

Gerard sushed him. “You're enough, you're more than enough, and just so you know, I am willing to give you my love, as long as you give yours back. But I swear to God if you fuck this up, I will never and I mean _never_ do so much as glance ate you again. It's simple Frankie, three strikes you're out. You're on your third, don't mess it up.”

Frank looked up at Gerard disbelievingly. “Really?” He asked hopefully.

Gerard cracked a smile. “Really.” He promised.

Frank jumped up onto him and bathed his face in kisses. “Oh my God, you are the absolute best. I promise I won't fuck up, this time, it's gonna stick.” He said.

Gerard laughed. “Thank God you read the letter, otherwise I would've missed out on your 18th birthday party and we wouldn't be dating.” He said.

Frank's face fell to one of complete horror. “Oh my God. I'm 18 and you're still 17. I'm a fucking pedophile.” He squeaked.

Gerard looked at him uncertainly before bursting into a fit of giggles. “Oh man, are you serious? You're barely 5 months older, besides I highly doubt our parents would mind.” Said Gerard.

Frank scowled. “I suppose.”

“Sorry I kind of made you cry on your birthday. Do you want to make out for the rest of the -” 

“Fuck yeah.” Frank cut him off, rolling on top and getting back to exploring his boyfriend's mouth. Huh, he had a boyfriend now, and it was Gerard. He could totally get used to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the end of this fic ^.^ Not sure if it's the end of the series or not though, I don't plan on it being  
> Also my aunt just gave birth, sorry I just think that's fucking beautiful and awesome.  
> Again, any mistakes just point them out.


End file.
